Pathetic, Self-Pity Bull Shit

I want to cry. I am sitting here and involuntarily trying to make myself cry. (Which I know sounds like a contradiction, but) I literally cannot cry right now, but I want to. I feel like I am at war with myself. I want to cry, but I can’t, I literally had to shake myself out of it. I don’t know why I am trying to cry. Maybe it’s because I’m tired. Maybe it’s because I am so fucking lonely. I wouldn’t know, all I know is that this pathetic, self-pity bull shit needs to stop.