The Reason I Don't Write Songs

Becaus all that ever comes out are these weird little poems, like the ones I use to write in 7th grade. . .
I Can Feel
I can feel the sun
as it shines down on me
I can feel the wind
as it blows in from the sea
I can feel the pain
as I trip and fall
How can I feel everything with such clarity,
and still feel nothing at all?

I Don't Know
You ask me why I made my last mistake
And I tell you I don’t know
You ask me why I am still awake
And I say I don’t know
You ask me why I never answer you
I don’t tell you because I can’t answer
What I don’t know

Golden Eyes
I dream of a princess with golden eyes
I can’t come back, I can’t wake up
I have to save her before she dies
I know you don’t believe me
I know you think I am crazy
But I know it’s real, I can feel it with my heart
I can see it with my soul
She is my princess, lost in the dark

Is this a Dream?

I had the strangest dream. I was in someone else body. Not as if I were trying to see life through someone else eyes. I was completely aware that I was not actually her. I was also aware that something bad was going to happen to her. I think that’s why I was there, to find out what happened to her. She was married; her husband was foreign and older, he was very sweet, but not very affectionate. I can’t remember his name, but he makes me think of Antonio Banderas in The Original Sin. There was a housekeeper, who was my friend, and I think she knew that I wasn’t her employer. I want to call her Joanne for some reason. She was very helpful, although awfully nervous. The husband noticed I was acting strange, and while I was clearing our breakfast, he had me sit next to him, in a rare occasion of intimacy. He asked me what was wrong and I told him I just wasn’t feeling well. Instead of taking my word he planned a trip. Surprising me with a spontaneous romantic getaway. I would have been more excited if one, I were actually his wife and two, if I wasn’t so sure that this trip was the thing I was brought here to avoid. Even Joanne could see the fear in my eyes as she hugged me good by. Husband, however, couldn’t contain his excitement. He was so certain that whatever had been keeping me down, this trip would fix. I couldn’t help but love him for his hopefulness. I tried to smile, but I couldn’t ignore the acing feeling in my stomach and the sharp pains in my chest. I opened my eyes and I was back in my bed, back in my room, in my own body. I had woken up late, and had only minutes to get ready for the day, I still laid back down completely taken aback by my dream, even more so because I have yet to forget it. I have never had a dream feel this real to me before. It doesn’t even seem like a dream, it feels like a memory.

Dream Girl

I close my eyes as I walk down the sidewalk of this glorified shopping mall. Pretending i am in a beautiful foreign city. Pretending there are beautiful ancient houses and vineyards hiding behind the trendy shops. I pretend I am someone else. Someone whimsical and beautiful. Someone with flowing hair that shines in the sunlight, and hopeful eyes. Someone with a pretty little body and glowy skin. A girl who's pure of heart. Someone who believes in true love and happy endings. Someone so very different from me. I pretend that I live in a world of beauty and passion. A world that I have created for myself, a world that only exists in the stories I write. A person who only exists in my dreams. A world where even the most dreadful of things can seem beautiful, because she knows that it is all just another dark path she must travel to get to the place she is meant to be. Not me, she is not me, because I am the same dark, lonely, pathetic person I have been for years. The same person that emerged after graduation without a purpose. I am growing to resent my life and everyone in it. I dislike my life and the people in this world that I have created for myself. I have grown to dislike myself, and even hate myself. Maybe one day I'll become the woman I dream I am, or at least a woman of both worlds.