My face itches. I didn’t wash my face this morning. I didn’t have time. I woke up at 8:20. Ten minutes before I had to leave. I scratch my face, starting at my left jaw and working my way up to the hairline. I try to stop, but I just can’t help it. I imagine my face turning red and getting puffy. I can just imagine what people will think of these red patches on my face.
And then I realize, they don’t care.
I turn away from the ladies and reach under my desk to the can resting on top my computer. I must look like I am Irish-ing up my coffee, with my hands, and cup under the desk. Though it is just Pepsi, I am equally ashamed. Although I’m sure I wouldn’t be in trouble if people knew I was sneaking soda. I just don’t want people to know I’m too much of a little girl to be drink coffee.
My biggest problem is self-help. My entire life I have been trying to learn everything, and being an impatient, precocious little ankle biter, I wasn’t willing to wait. So, I taught myself.
I feel sick; in my throat, not in my stomach, the kind of sickness that can only be caused by drinking Pepsi on an empty stomach. It’s a common illness, caused by many other types of soda pop, not just Pepsi. Though Root Beer tends to be easier on the tummy. Maybe that’s because there’s no caffeine in most beers of the root persuasion.
11:40, twenty minutes until 60 minutes before I can leave.
I hear footsteps but only two. It’s Aaron, one of the bosses’ sons. He’s tall and never needs to take the steps one at a time. I like Aaron; he’s quiet, kind of shy, but nice. He’s a nerd, a dork, one of my kind, and I like that. I just wish he would talk to me.
“Hey, Hey, Hey”
The opening lines to Hey Soul Sister make me want to cry, or hide under my desk in lonely shame. Either way, a song I use to LOVE and actually USE for a video project, has now become something of shadow monster for me. Ironically (or not) enough, the very reason I now cannot stand this lovely song, is because of a failed video project I had planned using this very tune. The plan was to get all my friends, and maybe even some strangers, to do a one take version of a vlog type music video. They could sing, dance, run in circles chasing their imaginary (or not) tails, and then my “friends” would send me the video footage and I would edit it all together with footage from my 20th birthday celebration. None of this, however, came to being, because, well, only one person actually followed through with the plan. I am very saddened by this. I’m not sure if it’s because now I realize I don’t have friends, or because I realized that the few friends that I do have could honestly give a crap about anything that would make me even the slightest bit happier then I am now.
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